Trying new things?

Grocery shopping. Bane of my existance. Maybe I'm just not grown-up enough to grocery shop yet or something. Or is it the inability to cook that's tripping me up? I still haven't tried the sauerkraut. Fear of a new flavor (and my apartment smelling like spoiled cabbage) holds me back. Come on, just do it!

Baby steps, though. I'm taking the lightly seasoned tuna fillets from Starkist for one of my meals tonight at work. Ooh, also, I found these snack cups of green beans (they also have corn, maybe some other veggies, not sure) at Wal-Mart. So that's perfect. An entree and a side dish I can microwave and not feel as guilty about it.

It's so difficult to get all my meals in at work, though! I'm trying to do a minimum of 5 meals/snacks a day. I've been known to break my eating up into 7 or 8 meals, even. But I work 12 hour shifts...how the hell am I supposed to do this? Luckily for me, I don't worry about taking 8 million breaks a night. Because that's the sort of model employee I am.

My lease is up on my apartment in less than a month. I'm going to renew it, but it's pointless. I'm moving by the end of summer, possibly earlier. I've found a new place with all these walking trails, a lake (with boats!), a pool, a 24 indoor pool on top of that, and a 24 hour gym. And it's not that much more a month. However, getting a new apartment in itself is a pricey ordeal, pet fees, deposit, etc. I could move now, but I'm not sure that I want to. Could I handle being that broke the first month? Who knows, maybe I'll crunch some numbers and end up doing it after all. I really hate this place, to be honest.

Besides, it sounds kind of fun to make a fresh start. I don't plan on taking much with me. I want my new pad to be very zen.

You Know, Death Metal, Baby's Breath, The Usual

One of the (many) things I ducked out of this weekend involved a co-worker's show. He's in a band, and they're perfoming tomorrow night (I guess it's technically tonight, Saturday, whatever). I feel no remorse for skipping out. His band plays metal. Like, real metal, not the watered down imitations you see on MTV. I could really do without the migraine. I doubt his feelings will be hurt, anyway. He's hardcore.

I'm the maid-of-honor in an old friend's wedding in three weeks. She We decided to the floral arrangements ourselves after getting several outrageous quotes from local florists. Any guesses as to how much experience I have in floral design? "None" is, in fact, the correct answer! This should be interesting. I'm being fitted for alterations Monday. Being 5' tall means that this dress currently requires about 3' cut off the bottom. Because all bridesmaids are amazons, apparently. No, really, it's about 3' too long. Not being dramatic. Are there many 8' tall women out there? More importantly, do most of them end up in situations requiring a purple ballgown? Obviously so.

Grocery shopping tops the to-do list for tomorrow. I think I might try Wasa Crispbread this week. I'm sick of sandwiches (I sort of hate bread right now) and currently half a lb of smoked turkey rests in my fridge awaiting use. So maybe on a Wasa with some Laughing Cow cheese?

Oh, and guess who went for a jog today? The park by my house really is gorgeous. Very large, very clean, lots of walking trails, biking trails, etc, with a bubbling creek running through. I'll miss it when I move.

Spring has officially arrived. I'm ecstatic. Who couldn't use a little more sunshine?

One Last Bit Of Spam For The Day

I've eaten many weird things, to be such a meat and potatoes sort of girl. Basically, I want to be able to have my binges with a guilt-free calorie count. Not original, I mean, hey, what dieter doesn't?

A sample list of the many questionable things I've sampled in my low calorie quests:

• Shirataki Noodles: I actually have a bag of these in my fridge right this second. They will very likely remain there. Why did I buy them? "A great low calorie pasta replacement!" Except, um, no. They are yam noodles. They smell like fish. They taste like fishy rubber. Not really how I like my pasta. 25 calories for a huge bag (3 or 4 times the size of a serving of pasta), I had to try them. Are they edible? Kind of. I wouldn't serve them to company.
• Tortilla Soup: recently tried this. I made two cups of broth (with broth cubes, of course) and added strips of a La Tortilla Factory tortilla, boiled for about 3 minutes. 60 calories for a huge bowl of soup. Yes, it was EXTREMELY high in sodium. On a more positive note, it did taste good, kind of a cross between chicken & dumplings and wonton soup.
• Radish "Hashbrowns": Another one of those recipes I was scared to try, but it worked out really well. A huge serving of hashbrowns for between 15-30 calories. Seasoning is necessary. But still, you can have these with a huge Egg Beater omelet and turkey bacon for a massive low calorie breakfast.
• Anything Boca: I still cringe at this. Consistency of old chewing gum. Blech.
• Spicy Nori Snacks: A snack pouch with 5 calories? I'm in. I bought these at Wild Oats. I wish I hadn't. Soooo bad. Really. Chewing dried, sweet/spicy seaweed isn't as fun as it sounds.

The point is, I'll try anything if the calories are low enough. I love those all-you-can-eat-because-it's-so-low-in-calories kinds of foods. They leave me more freedom at the end of the day.

I realize now, though, that I have my limits. I've been reading food reviews on www.thesneeze.com, and I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or be sick. A good sign, right? Here's the link, proceed with caution and at your own risk:

Steve, don't eat it!

Taking A Big Girl Pill

Okay, so my last post was honest but pathetic. I'm almost 24 and crying like this??? To be fair, I haven't gotten much sleep this week either.

As of today, Friday (if/when I ever get to sleep/wake up) I'm going to try to be a little more grownup about this. Actually, even if I don't manage that, I'm going to take more responsibility either way. It's been 70 degrees here all week, and I haven't been to the park once. Guess who going for a jog tomorrow?

No more excuses for food, either. Being sad doesn't give me a free pass. Besides, I mean, gaining weight isn't really going to make feel better either. Not that I'd know (immediately) if I gained any weight. I've enforced a ban on my scale recently.

Madness, you say. Or maybe you don't, I don't know. The scale has just been extra pressure, and I don't want it right now. It's so hard for me not to step on every day. I'm not even going to step on it weekly anymore. I have "skinny clothes" by which to judge my weightloss. I'm still counting calories, making smarter choices, even shooting for a little self-control. But I don't need the scale for any of that.

And this shift change isn't the end of the world. I don't totally believe that statement yet, but deep down, I know it's true. I just need to sulk a bit more, maybe. I'll get it out of my system soon enough.

Shaking Things Up

So, it's been a bad week, professionally, personally, and nutritionally. I found out this week that I'm being moved to the opposite night shift. Right now, I've got a great boss and I work with one of my best friends. The other shift...I've worked there before. Not a good fit, to say the least. The supervisor doesn't care for me (it's mutual) and the staff is comprised of idiots, lazy, worthless people. The friend is staying on the current shift, so I won't be seeing much of him anymore. 3 12hr shifts, opposite ends up the week. The reason for these changes? "We thought we'd just shake things up a bit." Fine. Throw my life into shambles so you can "shake things up a bit." All the hard work I've done there, and I get shafted like this. I know, I should be grateful to have a good job in the first place. I'm really not. Right now, I'm pissed off, I'm hurt, and just so sad, I just want to cry all the time. I've canceled all weekend plans just to allow for this.

Food has been a nightmare. Every bad idea, habit, whatever you want to call it, I've engaged in the past few days. "I can't help it." I know I can. I just don't have the will right now.

Midterms next week. Of course I'm not prepared.

I can't even concentrate right now. I just feel helpless. I hate not being in control.

And damn, I'm really going to miss my friend. Good friends are hard to find, you know?

So good it deserves it's own post:

Those little microwave single servings of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. You know, the cans you pop the ringtab top off, nuke for a minute, and eat? I've been having those with 5 strawberries constantly. About 180 calories, and it's good. A perfect snack/mini-meal.

Cooking?! What has this world come to??

The past few days haven't gone well (understatement of the century). I think I got too caught up in calories; meanwhile, my body wanted more nutrition for those calories. So I'm taking a break from fast food, convenience meals, etc, and trying some actual cooking.

I've never had sauerkraut, and I have to admit I'm nervous as hell. But, I can make a whole pan, with 5 FF hotdogs, for about 270 calories. This is easily three meals, like, big meals, and I can supplement with all sorts of fruits and veggies on the side.

Also, I read that some people were making dumplings with flour tortillas...I wonder how this would be? It's on the list for this weekend.

Nature One's new double fiber wheat bread is awesome. 80 calories, 10g fiber, and 8g protein per two slices. Tastes like heaven, too.

And I haven't been back to the gym. Lazy, lazy. I'll get to the park tomorrow, though. It's finally getting warm here!